shipping wars
by songs
Summary: Crack. Kill the canon! Zutara overboard! — zuko ო katara.


**title:** shipping wars

**pairings: **zuko ო katara — aang ო toph — sokka ო suki .

**disclaimer: **i own nothing!

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SHIPPING WARS!

* * *

Mai leans in gently, her marble skin cool against Zuko's. Her fingers wisp along his shoulder, his face, his lips-

And that is when they hear the scream.

"No, no, _no_!" The twin-doors swing open, the same doors that the scarred prince could _swear _he had locked earlier. Out went the romantic moment and in stormed Toph, her milky-jade eyes wild.

Mai bends her willow-arms, places her hands on her slender hips. Zuko and she share a look before he decides to speak. "Uh, Toph, what are you-"

"This _cannot _be happening!" she wails, her small fingers raking at her messy bun. "I have been a devout supporter of the _Zutara _ship since season two—and you—you just go and _sink_ it, Sparky! Shoot it with your…your _Maiko _canon! Tie it to a five-thousand ton anchor and drop it into the ocean—"

The golden-eyed girl sighs, annoyed. "What the _hell _are you talking about, you crazy little-"

And then, Zuko, confused as ever: "Zutara…? What is a—"

Toph continues on her rampage, shock and hurt in her voice. "You know—like Brangelina, SasuSaku—only with you and Katara, dumbass! Great gods of bending, _I'm _the blind one? The sexual tension between you two is so thick that I could cut it with a knife and make a sandwich!"

The Fire Nation couple is blank for a moment, before Mai impatiently puts her foot down. "Excuse me, but _I'm _his girlfriend now, that water girl can go take a swim with the Avatar."

Toph's lips quiver, and Zuko can swear he sees them foam—oh _gods _what did he get himself into? He takes a step towards the petite, powerful girl before the doors swing open again, revealing none other than Suki, her short bob matted to her face, her grip harsh on the door-frame.

Zuko blinks. "Suki? _Seriously?"_

The Kyoshi Warrior expertly tunes him out, and turns to Mai. "Listen, _sister, _but that Kataang you just mentioned is really harshing my firm Taang and Zutara standings, so you'd better _watch _it—"

"Don't tell me you really think the _Avatar _would go for that pint-sized _earth_-"

"Suki, _stop _it right now!" Sokka leaps through the door, tries to stop his girlfriend from speaking anymore. "I _told _you, you have to stop using the 'Z' word so loosely, it's taking me time to accept your pairing choices, she's my _sister _you know."

Toph, meanwhile, appears to be scandalized, and is pointing wildly in what she hopes is Suki's general direction. "You! Y-you _secret teller_! I thought you were going to keep Taang a secret!"

Suki simply shrugs, deciding that she isn't exactly safe in a room with all this raw, fandom tension. "I'm out guys, good luck with…this." She eyes Zuko and Mai with distaste.

Sokka follows after her, leaving Toph alone with the soon-to-be-ex-couple.

Licking her lips, the earth-girl grins maliciously. "Now listen, little Miss gloom 'n doom, if you know what's good for you, step away from Sparky over there before you get into any…danger."

Impassively, Mai rolls her eyes. "What do I get out of it?"

Zuko, who is still recovering from the painful shocks that are 'pairing wars', stares, his mouth agape. "A-are you, breaking up with me?!"

"Not like you haven't done it before." She shrugs.

_Ooh, that burned, _he thinks.

Apparently, it is everybody-ignore-Zuko day, because Toph doesn't acknowledge him. "Hey, think about it, you won't get trampled by any angry Zutarians, and, oh, trust me, there are a _lot _of us…"

Nodding coolly, Mai steps out of the room, absently calling out for Ty Lee.

"Mai, wait!" Zuko calls, but she has already escaped from the room's grasp. Narrowing his eyes, he turns to Toph. "Great, Toph, you are a _total _cockblock, you know that? That was my _girlfriend_-"

"Ex," she says smugly, before randomly bursting out. "KATARA! The prince is out of the tower, I repeat, the prince—"

"What are you doing?!" He reaches out and clamps a hand over the loud girl's mouth, which she, _of course, _has to lick. "Gross, Toph!"

But then every god that had laughed at him and beaten him down during his short life had intervened, and, miracle of miracles, the blue eyed water bender seductively slinks through the door. "Hey guys! Toph, you mean it _worked_?"

"It _so _worked, Katara." Toph gives her a thumbs up. "Long live Zutara…and Taang!"

And then she runs out of the room, and there is a loud crash and a '_come here, Twinkle-toes!_'. Zuko gulps audibly and stops listening from there, turns to Katara. "S-so…" He awkwardly scratches the back of his neck.

"So…" _We're alone, in a room, a _big _room…and _alone. Both of their minds seem to finally wrap around these two facts, and they share a look.

"Make some steam you two!" they hear Toph call out from the hallway.

Grinning wickedly, they make their way towards each other, but not before they lock the door.

.

.

.

"So," she says against his lips, softly caressing the froth of his scar. "What are your views on Zutara now?"

Zuko beams. "Let's just say…I ship it _wholly."_

_._

_._

_._


End file.
